Is Your Blood Hot?

"You don't think your way back to joy; you open to it."

-Donna Quesada

 

"Will it be easy? Nope! Will it be worth it? Absolutely."

-Unknown  

Every now and again I have this hankering for a good fight.

In my years of martial arts lord knows I have had literally tens of thousands of sparring matches; from in the ring to training, to even protecting myself.

I'm a head hunter when I fight, and have been hit in the head more times than I can count. I've had bones broken, and after my 1st dan exam at one school had over fifty contusions. I loved it- perhaps not the pain, but the experience.

But that feeling which gives me the most joy is when I can cross hands with another and sometimes no contact is made at all. That makes the energy in me surge. And every now and again I fight someone where we sync up so well that the only feeling which can describe it is one of earnest joy; it is a rush greater than jumping out of a moving car or snowboarding a black diamond in under twenty seconds. It is an expression of life lived to its utmost, and the feeling is incomparable.

Can you remember when you had that? You faced an opponent who made you actually be yourself, to test yourself.

I do, and it has been enough time since the last that I truly miss it.
I want you to think of a time when last had that, and I want you to have it again. It is rare we get to experience such, but what isn't is creating it for ourselves when we know how. For me, that trigger is fighting multiple people if I want to capture that feeling.

Awhile back I was in a confrontation in Europe, Hungary specifically where I faced off against five people. The dodging and weaving to escape, fueled by fear and adrenaline was awesome.

Now it is true that the situation itself sucked; I ended up being on a no-fly list for close to a month and trapped in Europe, not to mention humiliating my family that it came to that all. Honestly, it was probably the lowest time in my life, and closest I came to dying.

Thanks to what led to that incident I cannot remember what exactly happened; but what I can remember was realizing five people were going to grab me, and doing everything I could to both get out of that situation, and avoid hurting them. Because if I touched them even once I knew that the rules in the U.S. would probably apply there also, and chances are I would be in a jail instead of sitting in a library in Bel Air, Maryland, instead of writing this.

There comes a time in every martial experience where we are tested. Sometimes we ask for the experience, such as through belt exams or tournaments. And sometimes, more rarely, we do not ask for the experience. But something great can come from those we least expect;

I learned in Europe not to doubt myself. I had always carried a hesitating doubt that no matter how much I trained, how well I might do at a traditional tournament, no matter if I could handle multiple people at once on the training floor, I would fail in real life. I would fall.

And while I wasn't looking for that confrontation, that situation taught me to have confidence in myself, and more importantly my intuitive reflexes that I will be ok, even if its against five people. That I, and they would be able to walk away, perhaps flustered, but unhurt.

Because that's something I have to deal with on a daily basis with my martial arts and my belief system- I hate hurting others. Walking down a street in the rain sucks because a ten minute walk turns in forty. I absolutely have an urge in my soul to help, even if its an earthworm trying to cross and keeping it from drowning or expiring from struggle.

So imagine how it is for one who feels such a way to come to terms with actually hitting someone. It's as if the force bleeds out of my strike because of a lack of desire to harm the other, especially if I care about them.

But I learned in Europe I didn't have to worry about that; that my beliefs and my survival ability sync up to take care of me- at least so far. This is something all martial artists have to face at some point; the crossroads between where to draw the line of our morals and beliefs, and our desire to protect ourselves and those we love.
And while I do not ever want to have to go through such a confrontation again- believe me, they are terrible, there is a hankering in my heart to experience the rush and joy I get from proving to myself that what I practice is true, and that I will do the right thing ultimately.

It is my opinion that a true warrior spirit is one which can meet a challenge, but rather than destroy that obstacle will overcome it. We should not carry regret over our mistakes of the past, nor should we feel ourselves a failure when we are overcome. We simply must pick ourselves up and try again to do better the next time.

No one is perfect, and only perfect practice makes perfect. But we can come pretty damn close.

So find the joy in your martial practice; it will take you to new heights.

What makes your blood rush?