When Others Doubt You

"Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before the fight, while the ignorant fight to win."

-O sensei Ueshiba

 

"Nothing gives a person so much advantage over another to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances."

-Thomas Jefferson

 

 

 

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon. The one where people believe because you are a martial artist you can be tangled with.

The other day I had just such an experience where somebody who confronted me and wanted to step outside to fight. Literally their words. I apologized for waking them up, and they responded, 'Want to step outside, son?'

Now, I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that if you have to raise your fist you are a person whom has run out of rational ideas. When somebody in the background spoke up and told him not to mess with me because I practice, boy did that make him want to go even more. Hence why I hate whenever somebody brings 'So-and so is a martial artist' to the table. It doesn't help, and if anything makes the situation worse. Because it carries a kind of implied threat, especially at a time when one person is essentially trying to escalate it from a dick measuring contest, to a fight over the dick measuring contest.

And I can attest in the past that others when told this wanted to fight even more.

Let me be honest- as much as I love fighting in the dojo or ring, I equally hate fighting outside of it. Mostly because that isn't art- it's either a brawl or something as feral as it, or its for survival. And I have yet to meet somebody who has ever enjoyed a fight for their own survival.

But let's be honest, how many people have each of us met who say they practice martial arts and really still do? Someone who practiced the art a decade or while ago, generally does not have the same levity as someone who has entered and exited their dojo, or practiced that week. And god forbid someone who practices an art that has been grossly watered down into a sport. Hence why we often dichotomize science and art above sports- there's a degree of skill present in the former that is lacking in the latter.

And because of that and so many people who fall into that category of claiming 'being a weapon' because of a Mcdojo this or Mcstyle that, long since having trained, compared to those who actually should be given a birth of room are then underestimated. A person who has spent two decades training crap rarely compares to one month of training in a real martial art.

And don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to be some kind of human weapon just because I practice martial arts. In fact, I've been called that under a lot of different names just because I have been practicing for two decades, and I hate-hate-hate that. A lot of my training did originate from McDojos, but even more of my training was by very skilled practitioners, alongside even more abled martial artists. I am extremely small for an adult male, and thus many people do feel comfortable attempting to intimidate me. But being a martial artist does not mean I do not deserve or cannot feel intimidation- it merely means I respond to it steadfastly. And I no more deserve to be intimidated than I deserve respect because I practice. In fact, practicing should afford me do different level of treatment as an individual. But my ego, and sometimes others prevents that pragmatically.

But that's usually the extent. A humorous nickname such as killer or karate kid, or even to get an angry rise out of me. Because push as others may and I might allow, I do not allow it to escalate when it can be helped.

I can recall one experience where my sister had a number of friends visit who called me killer, or assassin and the like, and I felt embarrassed. I can also remember a few times some people attempted conflict simply because of a presumed reputation that followed practicing martial arts. I dislike that equally so.

An actual martial artist won't blink when someone pulls a gun, and wont worry when a number attacks them. I would know, I've been in both situations and can attest to what it feels like. It's very personal, and one deals with it as best they can, and if feel like it, bitch afterwards. Usually from jail or over a drink, which is where most bitching will originate from in my experience. And I'm not talking about tea.

Those who feel comfortable attempting to intimidate those who do practice are those who play with fire. The individual who wanted to step outside with me pulled the same stunt on somebody else we are living with. He is someone who doesn't just play with fire, but lights his sleeve on fire, laughs, and then extinguishes the flame before he gets hurt. This is something one can only do so long and so often before they do eventually get burned. And chances are someday he will do this to someone who wont hesitate to pull a weapon and use it. But it will not be me, and I can take some degree of self-respect away from that. A real martial artist, and thus real human being, will rise above stupidity when able. Now that is something to take some amount of pride in oneself from; when another acts stupidly, you stand your own level-headed, and don't stoop to their demeanor.

That's why even champion fighters and trained warriors realize that if robbed it is easier and safer generally to hand over the wallet or money than risk their own person. Fighting over a few twenties or even Benjamins is akin to stating one's life is only worth that much. Not that the able martial artist won't raise their hand to protect themselves or those around them, but they will only do so when its the last recourse. For me, I can imagine that would be handing over the money and then the person attempts to take my life. That's when you let the inner demon out.

Hence why I have a huge amount of respect for people like this;
http://www.npr.org/2008/03/28/89164759/a-victim-treats-his-mugger-right

It's why the most sagacious thing to do in an encounter is to run when violence looms and is nearly unavoidable. You are equally courageous to me whether you choose flight and survive, and fight and survive. Flight has just one extra letter more than fight, and that L stands for so much. To live. Survival is all that matters in all we do concerning what we train for. But when running, and are cornered, and then fight, that is something different entirely. One has made a choice and it was exhausted, so there was no recourse other than the choice left to preserve oneself. That to me is the only appropriate time to respond and fight; when you literally have only that choice left. When you made the right choice to avoid violence, and it proved impossible to do. And then fought.

A martial artist shouldn't seek conflict, and lord knows I have met quite a few far too little experience (there is never one who is experienced, or able, or powerful enough to justify) who will thump their chests. An experienced or at least knowledgeable martial artist understands that no matter how strong or fast or good, there is always someone better, somewhere. And if you pick enough fights, sooner or later you will run into that kind of person.

A martial artist should always present themselves to be underestimated- sometimes this bites me in the ass, but the element of surprise is one others should take to heart. When you have more bravado than necessary, even if you can back it up, you will find yourself more generally than not walking into more confrontation than you otherwise would have. When you appear small and weak, that is also no good. Others will also try to take advantage of that, but when underestimated and are willing to still stand up- it is that fine balance which can make all the difference.

I think of a story one teacher once told, when in college where while riding in the car somebody disparaged his family, and he struck them because of the belittling. When the man emerged from the car, he was dazed both from the pummeling he received, but then fatefully said, "I didn't know you had that in you," to which my teacher struck him again. Not that I condone violence or am encouraging it- I am just making the point that surprising others with an unrecognized tenacity can daze a person as much as hitting them. It will leave the other standing there like a cow chewing cud as the predator charges in on them.

So while the person may spit and holler at me, telling me to step outside, it is stupidity to listen and do so. It is not cowardice to not take the invitation, but still stand up to that person. Eventually the encounter will fizzle out. I have yet to see it not. Because when they are telling you to step outside, they are just trying to intimidate you. There's a reason they haven't already swung and initiated. Because they are surprised by you standing up and not backing down, and secondly because they are cowards. The invitation for you to step outside is a double edged blade- and when they extend the hilt for you to take, they are equally extending it to themselves while still grasping the blade. The difference is this; fear is what keeps them from actually going outside when they make that proclamation, whereas confidence and a willingness to rise above their pettiness is what will keep you rooted and overcome the situation. Because you are meeting their challenge you are essentially stating, 'here I stand, and here I remain. What will you do about it?'

To which their responses are limited; to either keep bleating like a ram, or to move on like the sheep they really are in character.

Never once in my life, in all the scraps I have been in, even when a gun was pulled on me, did it result in actual harm. Because usually when you meet them thusly, one way or another they back down. There is a difference between someone pulling a weapon on you or cocking a fist to them actually pulling the trigger or throwing the punch.

They are waiting for an invitation that they already extended. But that's the funny thing about those kind of party's, you never have to actually attend, and you never have to play by the rules they are trying to set.

Don't get me wrong, if someone pulls a weapon there is an inherit danger to being in its presence. For me I found that standing my ground was enough. To charge was to potentially get shot, and to retreat was to potentially shot at. Yet when I stood my ground, and did not take my gaze off them, that was enough to diffuse the situation.

Certainly I was lucky, but when the situation is untenable whether you retreat or advance, sometimes the most tactile response is to do nothing, and wait for the situation to change.

In chess this is called this is called zugzwang. And it is a shame chess does not allow you to skip your move, because its a real situation that occurs in life.

Avoid zugzwang, but more importantly, learn how to recognize when it appears. And then do what you can about the situation. Sometimes the most practical thing to do is to give ground. In my situation this last week there was nothing really to do but continue to repeat, I apologize, but stop threatening. And the situation fizzled.

http://www.mmamania.com/2011/1/5/1904645/intimidation-the-non-phsyical-aspects-of-mma

http://www.martialartsplanet.com/forums/showthread.php?t=109649

http://forums.sherdog.com/forums/f53/lesson-intimidation-mike-tyson-1220291/

 

"When your temper rises, lower your fists. When your fists rise, lower your temper."

-Tony Jaa

"Fear does not crown champions."
-Michelle Waterson